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The Way She Says

from Bring The Kids by HAMELL ON TRIAL

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about

7) THE WAY SHE SAYS

I do an annual stop at The War3house 3 in Swarthmore Pa just outside of Philly. I had tried something new that evening, Dec 18, 2021. In the middle of my set I sat down for 3 or 4 songs, giving the performances more intimacy I thought. This move was inspired by a series of very successful live streams I did during the pandemic. I really enjoyed those livestreams, I liked the sorta non- performing aspect that let the song speak purely, with no physical flourish. I was pleased with how the first time was received. I was back at my apartment, watching something on TV at 3:00 am. My phone rang. A number I didn't recognize. I didn't pay much attention to it, assuming it was spam but I decided to listen to the message. It was Jelly. It might have been a year since I talked to her. She had heard a holiday single I had released and correctly assumed it was referring to her and after having a few cocktails she called. She was just 'missing me'. We talked for a couple hours. She was back. She said all the things she had been saying in my dreams. It was kinda miraculous. Unquestionably narcotic like, Cupid's dopemine kicking in. Of course, in the sober light of the following day she withdrew again and I haven't heard from her since. I texted her Silk Sonic's 'Leave the Door Open ' and she blocked me again. I hope she's okay. For real.

The song came in a rush a few weeks later. Despite it's complex chord structure, an attempt, if you will, to take a stab at an American Songbook type composition, the first draft took about 15 minutes to write. There was some lyrical tweaking later. I recorded it in the bathroom in my apartment in one take, just my main 1937 Gibson L-00 and voice. The walls in that apartment were thin, a lot of noise sometimes from the family upstairs and you never heard so many leaf blowers in your life in that joint but I snuck one in. Eggars had been pretty complimentary about the first song he contributed to, 'Hail My Rage' but he was pretty over the top about this one. I got pretty excited when Matt cranked what Dave had sent us for strings. Similar to finding Matt I knew how lucky I was to find Dave Eggars. He's like Nelson Riddle on acid. And, similar to Frank this is my Ava album.

lyrics

Well there's lies and betrayals and promises torn like silk, convenient amnesia. And there's hurt and there's worse and anger and curses and the devil to deal ya. All is forgiven, excused, her enunciation, her breath being used. Like my bloodstream and Oxy are fused. The way she says, 'I love you'. You should have heard, her way with words, 'I love you'.

And there's madness and not some cliche I say no, it is real, and so you deal. Day after day I pray, Lord keep the pain at bay, so these cravings will heal. It's not because she says it, no. Could be a lie and probably so, Meryl Streep should give it a go. The way she says, 'I love you.' Her spell is cast, dissolves the past, 'I love you.'

Is she brilliant? Ain't no doubt.
Is she stunning? Knock down drag out.
Is she funny? She had me in tears
But what's narcotic to my ears

Inconsistency torments me, what face today I'll see....that breathtaking face. Vacant or here, static or clear this ghost that I chase.
And the vowels hug and kiss. The consonants offer bliss. Each syllable's soothing caress, the way she says, ''I love you."
The heart is cloaked, in opium smoke, the way she says 'I love you'.

credits

from Bring The Kids, released November 17, 2023

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HAMELL ON TRIAL Austin, Texas

Hamell on Trial is loud, fast music informed by politics, intelligence and a wicked sense of humor.
1995-Mercury Records-Big as Life, The Chord is Mightier Than the Sword.
1997- Choochtown
2003-Righteous Babe Records-Tough Love
2005, Songs For Parents Who Enjoy Drugs.
2007-“The Terrorism Of Everyday Life,” (Edinburgh Fringe Herald Award)
2012-New West Records -The Happiest Man Alive. ... more

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